This Is The Way I Love You
by YueSoEul
Summary: All I ever wanted is your happiness, even if it is not me standing by your side – if I could just see your smile; that would be enough. This is the way I know how to love you. The only way I know how to love you.


Alright, it was inspired by a Tohoshinki's song. Yes, I'm calling them Tohoshinki, sue me for all I care. I decided to write it down after I was done arguing with myself. My friend did point out I was going to write it anyway, no matter how much I try not to. Let's make this a one-shot coz I don't want to torture the soul of YJ/GE shippers.

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"Sunbae," Ga Eul said, nodding slightly at Yi Jeong as she claimed the seat before him. It was not unusual for them to meet, they were friends after all. Still, Yi Jeong was uneasy, there was something about the way Ga Eul carried herself that bothered him. She was smiling and friendly, but, there was something and he could tell. He watched her as she played with the hem of her shirt, worries filled Yi Jeong's thought. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling he would hate what she was going to tell him, like it would forever alter their lives. Though, he knew not to get ahead of himself, so he sat quietly and tap on the table while he waited for Ga Eul to speak again.

Silence filled the space between them. The only sound available was the background noise provided by the patron of the coffee shop. It was awkward, to sit without saying a word. "I'm getting married," Ga Eul said, breaking the silence was slowly enveloping both she and Yi Jeong. Silence again. Yi Jeong was too shocked to speak, but, after years of practice, he had perfected his art, he remained looking calm and composed. "Oh, congratulations," He replied, sounding indifferent by the news. He didn't even notice how her fingers jerked under the table or how she was trying to hold back the flood of emotion running through her.

"Thank you," Ga Eul managed and smile. She should be happy, she was getting married and soon too. She cannot wait for him anymore, no. She would turn thirty years old and her parents were already worried. Her fiancé, he was a nice man as well. He was no Yi Jeong, but he had put all of his effort into making her smile. He had tried to fill the emptiness of which Yi Jeong was not willing to fill. He had loved her and was more than happy if he could just have her by his side. He would do anything to make her happy. He was not So Yi Jeong, but he was a man that loved her.

A lump formed in Ga Eul's throat as tears threaten to fall. Her eyes fixed on Yi Jeong's face. This is the last time, she promised herself. The last time she would be able to look at him with that loving gaze that was his. This is the last time, she promised herself, the last time and then she would say her goodbyes. His features, she wanted to keep it, his perfect smile, his gaze, his face, she wanted to take at least that one away and lock it forever in her heart. They were never meant to be, she should have realized it sooner, yet, she did not regret it. She had loved him and he was a good friend.

"I have to go, sunbae," Ga Eul said politely. She could not allow herself to wait a minute longer, no, she might waver. If she stayed, she would spend the rest of her life waiting for him. "I know I promise to have coffee with you, but my mother insist on going to the bridal fitting today," She explained with a fake smile. He didn't catch that either, he was too busy fiddling with the cufflink on his shirt. "It's fine, I understand," Yi Jeong answered, he was not looking up, not even giving her the chance to read his thoughts. Reluctantly, Ga Eul started to get up from her seat and turn to walk away.

"Ga Eul," Yi Jeong called, stopping her in her track. Carefully, Ga Eul turned back to face Yi Jeong, staring right into his eyes. She wished he could see what she was thinking. "Be happy," Yi Jeong added with a small smile. Ga Eul could her heart breaking even when moments ago she had vowed to let him go before he could beat her to it. Faking a smile, Ga Eul nodded. "I will, thank you sunbae," She said, trying to sound as happy as she could. "Goodbye," She added, still smiling and turned before her tears could betray her. _Goodbye sunbae, be happy. I wish it was me who would stand beside you all your life, but since I can't, be happy. _Ga Eul prayed as she walked.

Yi Jeong watched as Ga Eul walked away from him, this time permanently. She didn't even look back; she walked away without another look. He sighed deeply as his hand balled into a fist. He was being a coward, now, it's too late. He had lost her and there was nothing he could do. Why couldn't he just say it? It was easy to get her to stay by his side. They could have it all, but fear had paralyzed him, it had made him a coward. All he could do was watch her walk away.

xxxxx

"Are you going?" Woo Bin asked, tossing an invitation card to Yi Jeong who caught it just in time. They were older now, yet, they still make a habit of meeting each other each chance they got. "Yeah, why?" Yi Jeong answered casually, fiddling with the card in his hard. He caught a glimpse of Ga Eul's name printed on it along with another man's name. Not his name, it would never be his name. "Who are you going with?" Ji Hoo asked, the young doctor had aged well. He was over Jan Di and had found his other half three years after he was finished with medical school. He was now happy with a family of his own, just as Jan Di and Jun Pyo was, with the exception of non-stop argument.

"Stag, I don't know yet," Yi Jeong answered, running his hand through his hair lazily. He had to go, not to win her back, not that. He had to go to let her see he was alright with it; he wanted her to be able to be happy. "You can take one of Jan Di's friend," Jun Pyo suggested absentmindedly. He looked older and wiser but still not mature enough. Gu Jun Pyo, Yi Jeong doubted that Jun Pyo would ever mature properly. Luckily, he had Jan Di to cover all of his flaws. "And have Jan Di kick the life out of me?" Yi Jeong asked jokingly. "No thanks," He added with a small laugh. He must have gotten better at lying; none of his friends could see it anymore, his affection towards Ga Eul and his love for her.

Woo Bin and Ji Hoo managed a smile. "Well, maybe you can take Jae Kyung's friend, I heard she's in town," It was Woo Bin's turn to offer. It was strange to think how Yi Jeong was the only one in the group left unmarried. Woo Bin had tie the knot with Jae Kyung shortly after Ji Hoo and his wife. It was not something anyone had seen coming, but, somehow, Woo Bin and Jae Kyung had become closer over the years. "Yoon Joo?" Yi Jeong asked before cringing. He remembered the girl too well, she was the exact replica of who Jae Kyung was, and there was no way he could keep up with someone that hyper. "I think I'll pass and Ji Hoo, don't even think of suggesting any of your wife's friend to me," He added, declining Woo Bin's offer and playfully threatening Ji Hoo.

Ji Hoo could only smile and threw his hands up like he was surrendering. "Wouldn't even dream of it," He joked back as his eyes tried to read Yi Jeong. Now, Yi Jeong could fool anyone, but Ji Hoo, he was too perceptive for his own good. "I should go, I want to pick Jan Di up from her shift," Jun Pyo announced as he got up from his seat. "Right behind you, I promised Jae Kyung I'll go shopping with her, I don't even know what posses me to promise her that," Woo Bin stated as he hoped onto his feat. He sounded annoyed, but happy at the same time. "I'll catch you guys next time," Yi Jeong replied, waving his two friends as they disappear from the lounge.

"Are you alright seeing her marrying someone else?" Ji Hoo asked when he was certain that both Woo Bin and Jun Pyo had left. Yi Jeong arched an eyebrow as if it was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard. "Why wouldn't I be?" Yi Jeong asked, trying to sound like he really didn't care. Ji Hoo sighed deeply, he was right, Yi Jeong was being stupid. "Don't do this to yourself," Ji Hoo said, it sounded as if he was pleading. "Do what?" Yi Jeong asked, furrowing his eyebrows together, causing Ji Hoo to sigh once again. Yi Jeong was lying to himself and Ji Hoo could see that clearly. "Alright, I'm not going to say anything anymore," Ji Hoo stated, feeling defeated, seeing that there was nothing he could do if Yi Jeong wanted to continue with his game.

"I better go," Ji Hoo stated as he got onto his feet. "I have an early surgery tomorrow," He added before he too disappeared to his own life. Yi Jeong sighed deeply; he should have known that Ji Hoo would not let it go. His gaze turned back onto the card that was in his hand. _Chu Ga Eul, _her name still resounded in his heart. Fighting back the urge to run to see her, Yi Jeong crumpled the card. He still missed her, even when he was telling himself that he wasn't, he knew better. _Chu Ga Eul, please God, don't let me ruin her happiness._

xxxxx

Ga Eul paced around her dressing room. It was her wedding day and no one could deny that she looked lovely in her wedding dress. In a matter of minutes, she will be walking down the aisle towards the man that was destined for her. A kind man who loved her, she couldn't be happier. The door opened causing Ga Eul to jump slightly. She turned to find one by one of her friends started to fill the room. "Ga Eul, you look great," Jae Kyung said happily, for a pregnant woman, she still haven't lost her vibrant. She looked lovely as she leaned close to her husband; Woo Bin.

"It's the dress," Ga Eul managed to joke back but her breath got caught as her eyes landed on Yi Jeong who was wearing that mischievous smile of his. "I agree, it's the dress," He stated happily and earned himself a slap on the wrist by Jan Di. "Yah! Take that back," Jan Di demanded, looking furious. "Alright, alright, you look great Ga Eul, it's not the dress," Yi Jeong stated, admitting his defeat while taking a step away from Jan Di's reach. Everyone in the room couldn't help but laugh. Jan Di was still being Jan Di and Yi Jeong was glad for that. He needed to hold onto something.

"Ga Eul, it's about time," Mister Chu, Ga Eul's father called. He looked rather dashing in his formal attire and nodded to everyone in the room. "Would you mind, I would like a word with Ga Eul," Jan Di said and Mister Chu nodded before excusing himself. The rest of the gang followed, leaving Jan Di and Ga Eul behind. They haven't a clue as to why Jan Di would like a word, but she had led them to believe she was going to give a small token for Ga Eul for the 'something borrowed' part. They had been friends for too long, so, no one was too suspicious, except Ji Hoo who nodded knowingly.

"Jan Di, no, please," Ga Eul said as soon as everyone left. She was not fooled. She knew exactly why Jan Di had asked to be left behind. "Ga Eul," Jan Di began, tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. She knew too well about Yi Jeong and Ga Eul. She couldn't even count on the time she had wanted to kick some senses into Yi Jeong, for Ga Eul. "No, let me have this, please," Ga Eul begged, she could feel her walls crumbling. She could not waver, no, she cannot. Jan Di looked at her friend for the longest time before taking a deep breath. "Here, it's something borrowed," Jan Di said, tying a beautiful silver bracelet onto Ga Eul's hand. It was the bracelet Ga Eul had given her upon her graduation from medical school. They were so young, so happy. "Thank you," Ga Eul whispered, pulling Jan Di into a hug.

xxxxx

The wedding was a blur to Yi Jeong. He sat between his friends and watch Ga Eul slipping away. He closed his eyes when she said 'I do'. She was someone else's; she was never his to begin with. He watched as another man claimed her perfect lips and her smile when they parted. He had wished it was him who was standing there next to her. But, even when he prayed, it was not him, and she would never be his, not anymore. Still, he smiled as he followed his friend out to greet the bride and groom. He watched her descend from the church's staircases; a smile never left her lips. She was happy and his heart was breaking.

Ga Eul stopped, only briefly, catching a glimpse of him in between Jan Di and Ji Hoo. Yi Jeong nodded and mouthed; _be happy. _He watched her nodded and smile as he threw the confetti, showering her and her new husband. He watched as he walked away and their friends following her as she entered the car and towards her new life. He heard Woo Bin calling back; "Are you coming?" He managed a nod, but he didn't join them, he watched as one car after another left the area and sat on the staircases that were covered with confetti.

_Be happy, please. That's all I ask Ga Eul. Thank you for loving me. Even for a little while, thank you for staying beside me. I'm sorry that I could not fulfill your dreams, I'm sorry I am still such a coward. Be happy Ga Eul and show me the pain in my heart was worth it with every smile you're going to have after this. I love you, always, goodbye. _

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Originally posted on "Lovers Unparalleled" - 19th June 2011


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